I HAD KILLED SOMEONE.
Monday,
2255 hours,
room.
I HAD KILLED SOMEONE. That's the title of this blog. What a day. Honestly, I can't have enough fun when I felt like somebody is avoiding me. For what I don't even know. Can I or Can't I get over it? The answer that I am hoping is CAN but, it would be a bit difficult when I am thinking about it every time. I, myself can't even distract my own mind to other things. When it comes to feelings I always gets gloomy and boring I cant enjoy myself! and I killed someone and that is myself. If I cant even enjoy myself I have to killed somebody right? My feelings is just not stable right now and I need medication or maybe people to appreciate me. What I had found the other day was, ' A Woman's HEART CAN'T BE HEALED, UNLESS THE WOMAN ITSELF HELP TO HEAL IT '. For me the things can heal my heart is,
a) something you can't see it but you can feel it
b) something soft bittersweet dark eaten able
c) something that colour full with cream
d) something that universal and express able
e) something that is cold and freezing
or just maybe Myself.
My point is I cant stand on my own feet though I had cried on to your shoulder or climb the highest mountain but I still cant until You are there for me, standing and waiting at the end of the race.
I never been with somebody, so I don't know how to act. But when I see my friends enjoying their Love life, what they said is Good and Relieve because they felt like there is someone who cares about you(me). But for my opinion, isn't that something distract our minds from chasing our dream?? I am a student that wanted to go to United Kingdom so bad and study there and have a happy life and grateful to achieved EXCELLENT ACHIEVEMENTS and I am the want who wanted my parent to be happy when they land at Heathrow Airport and said, ' I'm attending to my daughter's Convocation" that is why I don't care much about it or just don't want to lose everything. Yeah. I got it now , I'm the person who hate Losing Everything what is Mine. If i have something I will take care of it even it is can't be seen. I think I already know whats the answer for my question why I hate to be in Love, I hate it because I hate losing everything and I'm a person who is like to be jealous of almost everything. and I am scared whether can I find one? or just be a single woman till I am OLD! I am scared that once I'm in college I cant find one to trust because I'm like the thinnest glass had ever made. So, in this case I got the answer and I hope when you read it you will understand because I'm unpredictable especially in this particular topic.
To CLOFY,
I hope I'm not disappointing you because you always ask me why about it and I hope this blog made you realize why I have been avoiding it.
THANK YOU.